Chris Carry

Credits;

All music* and lyrics - Chris

All guitars, horns, strings, keyboards, vocals, arrangements, mixing, and production - Chris

*except 'Hide';

Music by Judita Svandrova (all keyboards, bass synths and percussion)

Lyrics by Chris Carry (all guitars, vocals)

Co produced - Judi/Chris

Special thanks and all my love to; Amanda - baby, it was a tough one, but we're still truckin'. You're an inspiration with everything you do and the courage you have displayed through the worst of times. I am in awe of you.

Dedicated with love to; Ben, Amy, Katie, Alex, Mum, Dad, Angela, Joanne.

Thank you; Judi for your wonderful music that instigated 'Hide' and a very unexpected collaboration.

Additional roll call of honor;

Justin Evans, Peter Fitzpatrick, Andrew Lawlor for their encouragement and feedback; Garvan Gallagher (for concise but solid advice! - "er, where's the bass?")

Thanks to Steven McKenna (and BA!) for his interest in my work and his evangelism across the airwaves!

Other;

The usual suspects and inspirations :) in relatively random order, but all SO important to me;

Bowie; Springsteen; Lou Reed; The Beatles/Paul McCartney; Marc Bolan/TRex; Elvis Costello; Neil Young; Kate Bush; Prince; Lucinda Williams; John Prine; Paddy McAloon & Prefab Sprout; John Hiatt;

Bob Dylan; The Ramones (except Johnny - he was a dick) ; XTC; Kraftwerk; Iggy Pop; Stevie Ray Vaughan (I'd probablynever have picked up a guitar without SRV); David Byrne / Talking Heads/Tom Tom Club ('Believe'); Nils Lofgren; Brian Wilson; Joseph Conrad and Bill Nelson (for influences on 'We Live In The Flicker'); Chris Difford & Glenn Tilbrook (Squeeze);

...pause for breath...

Elton John; Roy Orbison; Tom Waits; The Skids; Tenacious D; Tom Houston; Stevie Wonder; Evan Dando & The Lemonheads; Blondie; Aimee Mann; The Band; Bryan Ferry & Roxy Music; The Cramps; The Freshies; The Pretenders; Robert Palmer; Steely Dan; ELO; John Fogerty; Ray Davies; Queen; Scott Walker; Woody Guthrie; Tony Visconti; Brian Eno; Dusty Springfield; my beloved , but character building, Everton FC; and, with apologies, likely many, many others that I've inadvertently forgotten

to include!

Thank you all whether you will ever know about this or not. I will always keep you in my heart.

Verses

I'm a steady state catalyst

An optimistic pessimist

An anarchistic pacifist

A fatalistic lobbyist

I'm a convoluted absolute

I'm a constituted institute

I'm an executed dissolute

I'm a destitute substitute

I'm a hypnotistic humorist

I'm an egotistic soloist

I'm an eucharistic atheist

I'm a moralistic terrorist

I'm just a super trooper

A swooning type of crooner

I'm a rumour in a stupor

With a cartoon sense of humor

Notes; The title is from Joseph Conrads 'The Heart of Darkness'. It's a nice little line. We do live in the flicker and the flicker gets shorter and shorter. As a huge Francis Coppola fan it's a little nod to him too.

My vocal 'style' here is also a 'nod', this time to the great Bill Nelson, probably best known for his group Be-Bop Delux, but for me due to a record he put out under the name 'Red Noise' around 1979 called 'Sound on Sound'. It's still one of my favourite albums ever. Here's to ya Bill!

I take a look around, and the world is falling down

None of this seems remotely real

The moments that we steal

The pain and loss we feel

That we try so hard to conceal

Chorus

The moments in the sun, they fade and then they're gone

Were they ever here, I don't know

All these open doors, one by one they close

Leaving us alone, with our fears

As the world is falling down, I take a look around

And I realize just how scared I feel

The moments we have shared, even in our dark despair

Kept our love alive and showed us how to care

Notes; This WAS written after Amanda's diagnosis and as our world was indeed falling down. Madam went through hell and back. But as I type here her resilience is bringing her back into the world bit by bit. I've seen bravery up close and personal. It's a 4'11" little bundle of greatness from Castlebar.

You know I mean it and it's true

But no matter what I do

If it all comes down to a choice

You know I'd do it all for you

Chorus

Every day I'm walking

Every night I'm dreaming

Every time I'm talking to myself

You know it's true, I do this all for you

If there's a sadness in my face

And I don't know what to do

I just take a breath and soon

My mind will turn to you

Chorus

Bridge

We've been through many tough times

This is just more of the same

It doesn't matter and it's alright

If our life just isn't quite the same again

When I'm walking down the street at night

And I look up at the steely blue

And the moon shines down on my face

Just know I'm thinking of you

Chorus

Notes; Written for AD and is self explanatory. There is an instrumental version of this which is quite lovely and captures the orchestra parts I wrote for strings and horns. I'll add it to this site at some stage for download.

One day I'm gonna find me, a little island out at sea

Buy a boat, sail away, no-one there to bother me

Turn off all the news, sit and play the blues

Just do what I choose, it's one thing or another 'cos

This man doesn't play well with others

I've never really cared for sun, never really cared for fun

Bring my books, coffee too, yeah, I'll be the only one

You won't find me..here..you won't find me ...there

I'm going undercover 'cos

This man doesn't play well with others

Bridge

Call of the search, don't waste your time

Don't worry about me, I'm doing fine

I might come back one day, just to see

If I was wrong, and has the world become a better place to be?

When I get to where I'll be, I'll become a memory

Flip the bird at the world, I'll go native and be free

Brain is always screaming, I can't stop this dreaming

This is so appealing, I'm telling you brothers

This man doesn't play well with others

Bridge

One day I'm gonna find me, a little island out at sea

Buy a boat, sail away, no-one there to bother me

Turn off all the news, sit and play the blues

Just do what I choose, it's one thing or another 'cos

This man doesn't play well with others

Notes; I have to declare with total immodesty that I LOVE this song. I had an absolute blast playing it.

There are probably 10 guitars on here. I had the song title in my head for months (I even announced on Facebook, when I released the last album 'Onion', that this would be the name of my next album, and years later...).

If anything influenced it then I'd lean towards Lucinda Williams version of 'Honey Bee'. I was going to put this as the first track on the record but eventually decided to let it come to life between tracks 3 and 5.

And once again, those whispers are calling

They land in my ear and they won't go away

I physically feel my soul as it's shrinking

I'm losing so much, 'cos I give it all away

Chorus

So here I am in my disintegration

Like a thief in the night, it sneaks up on me

And I awake with my own indignation

Struggling to find what's left here for me

The lines in my face, I have earned very furrow

The pain in my bones reminds me each day

I'm falling apart, I'm a boat that is sinking

Lost out at sea and floating further away

Chorus

If my spirit is weak, then the flesh it is weaker

I can't move a hand to save me a place

Everything spins right across my horizon

Like satellites moving around me in space

Don't want no pity, leave me alone

It's a state i know well and i don't like being here

i feel quite helpless to face my condition

I embrace my sadness, but don't really care

Chorus

Struggling to find what's left here for me

Notes; What? You really need me to explain where this came from? Didn't you read the lyrics? :)

Times been moving, but somethings been on his mind

His eyes are distant yet something shines behind

He gets a phone call, he has to take it outside

"It's just work" he says but he's trying to hide

And then you'll see that thousand yard stare

And you'll wonder if his heart belongs elsewhere

You pick up the clothes that lie across the floor

A piece of paper falls out, a number ending in four

And when you see that thousand yard stare

Then you realize his hearts no longer there

Chorus

You ain't the sweetheart that your sweetheart is thinking about tonight

No, you're not the one

You ain't the sweetheart that your sweetheart's thinking about tonight

But he's the sweetheart, your sweet heart is thinking about

You ain't the sweetheart that your sweetheart is thinking about tonight

No, you're not the one

You ain't the sweetheart that your sweetheart is thinking about tonight

But he's the sweetheart, your sweet heart is thinking about

Bridge

How can you smile right through those tears

Have you even something left to save

You cast your mind back, a million years ago

When he swore he'd never ever ever let you go

The house is quiet, the kids are out with your friend

You've got that red dress on but is there something here to mend?

The I love you's aid through a mumble, your head is spinning

As your world starts to crumble, because, because

Chorus

Notes; I never know if I should tell the story about this songs origins, but hey, I'm not proud, or subtle , so what the hell, here we go. I was reading a magazine on the throne one day in the house in Kells and suddenly the line about "your sweetheart ain't your sweetheart" etc appeared in my brain and I was SO excited about the play on words that had to run down the stairs and sing the chorus I'd just made up to Amanda and Amy who were in the kitchen (confirming, I had finished my business first, washed

hands etc). However. It took a long time for me to find a story that did the chorus any justice. I don't normally have to deliberate too much on song lyrics but this one probably caused me more consternation than any other. So, in effect, this was started in about 2014 and finished in 2019!

You don't know where you're going

As you leave this town today

It doesn't matter any how

It wouldn't work any way

Yet you'll travel along and the road kicks up its dust

Yes you'll travel alone because you know that you must

Chorus

Say good-bye to the last town

Say good-bye to the last street

Say good-bye to that last girl until the next time you meet

(repeat)

Bridge

Now, the road is long and lonely

but for now you're back on your own

This could have been that one in a million

The greatest love you've ever known

She doesn't know you're leaving

You tell yourself that you don't care

But who knows the kind of grieving

When a heart is laid bare

No stone or flowers will ever mark the place where you should have stayed

And in your heart you'll always remember the love that you just betrayed

Chorus

Notes; Originally scheduled for 'Onion' I kept it over for when I had a few more similar type songs. I wrote this sitting on the couch in Headfort Glebe with my acoustic and my iPhone recorder. This version is vastly updated from the original demo. Just a story song, probably influenced by John Hiatt here. When I hear the opening line I'm drawn to his great lyric from "Don't Think About Her While You're Trying To Drive' (from the 'Little Village' album). It goes "She don't know who you're missing driving' down that lonesome road tonight". I can see it. But, hey, if you're going to get influenced by someone then the truly great John Hiatt isn't a bad reference.

Too used to being on my own

Too many nights driving around an empty town

Staring at the street lights and the shadows thrown

If you look into those darkest corners

You will find me there

Star gazing lonesome man, it's become who I am

There wan't a plan

Kinda just happened

I'm far away, so far away

I'm so alone in a crowd

Can't join in, can't connect

Can't be the person that I'd love to be

I wish I could be ...so different

Where is the answer I need

Oh, where is the answer I need

Star gazing lonesome man, it's become who I am

There wan't a plan

Kinda just happened

Where's the answer I need?

Oh, where is the answer I need

Star gazing lonesome man, it's become who I am

There wasn't a plan

Kinda just happened

Where's the answer I need?

Oh, where is the answer I need

Star gazing lonesome man, there wasn't any plan

This is just who i am, there wasn't a plan

This is ...who I am

Who I am

Notes; Too much for me to go into here, it's a deeply personal song. I'd probably just call out an apology to anyone I've let down by not turning up for something. I have horrible social anxiety issues and its not unusual for me to go somewhere with great intentions, get to the door, then turn and walk away. Birthday parties, weddings, goodbye parties, offsites, xmas parties etc etc.

They're coming for me

And I can't hide

There someone in the shadows, there

In the corner by the wall

Or is it my imagination?

Is there anyone there at all?

They're coming for me

And I can't hide

Hide

And I can't hide

I can taste the fear in my mouth

My eyes are open wide

A sense of danger rises up from somewhere deep inside

They're coming for me

And I can't hide

Hide

I can't hide

They're following me

And I can't hide

They're coming for me

And I can't hide

Yeah they're coming for me

And I can't hide

Yeah they're coming for me

And I can't hide

I can't hide

Hide

Notes; One of my colleagues in Dell Bratislava mentioned to me one day that she 'did music'. I was surprised as it had never come up in conversation before. I said "oh really? Send me something?".

Judi did. It was this wonderfully atmospheric piece of music heard here. All the percussion, keyboards, bass are all Judi. I added the squally guitar bits and as I played the track at the microphone the words came out virtually verbatim to what is contained herein in one or two takes. The only technical piece I did here was take the original track and cut it and joined it to extend it to make the track longer. I'd like to thank Judi for her wonderful music and I hope my contribution adds something to the final track.

Everyday, everyday it seems the same

I don't have the words to say

All the things I really want to baby

So I try, I try hard to make it clear

Just how much I need you here

I really hope you'll listen this time, because

Chorus

Look around,

You own your life

Everything could be amazing

The sun will rise

The stars will shine

You just have to believe

Now its time, time to open up

Say the words you want to say

Anything you need to say

I'll listen darling

Don't you know that I'm here to hold your hand

That I'll always understand

When those feelings overwhelm you, because

Chorus

(repeat)

Solo

(repeat)

Solo

(coda)

Notes; I'd like to confirm that there are no loops used on this track. The intro/outro is all me on a dozen or so guitars. I think (from an aged memory) that I'd been listening to Talking Heads 'Remain in Light' and had been trying to develop a funky type of track. The rest of the song was written very quickly.

I started singing the chorus as I ate Coco Pops early one Saturday morning and I had to run up stairs and turn on the recorder so I wouldn't forget it. The verses came to me at the mic. Written for AD.

Don't be subjected

Get neglected

Don't be suspected

Don't be corrected

Don't be nullified

Don't be crucified

Don't be terrified

but stay dignified

Chorus

Solo

Bridge

Pretty monsters a mastermind

pretty monster gets you entwined

pretty monster is disinclined

To let you live

Don't be intimidated

Don't be isolated

Don't be segregated

but be validated

Chorus

Notes; Originally written around 2010 it was recorded HORRIBLY and because I had a liking for it I eventually put it out on the 'Life and Everything In Between' album.

This is a totally update version - proper drums, saxophones, new vocal, better mix and production. I did keep one piece from the original, the guitar solo. I'd never have remembered how I played it first time around.

The title was a straight lift from the title of a YA book I saw on Amanda's shelf. I should look up who wrote it and give them some credit!

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